Rediscovered Self

I am a solopreneur and have my own dental clinic. Being my own boss has been a joyful experience. What made the experience more special was that it was my first solo venture. Having lived all my life with parents, I seldom did anything alone. Setting up my own clinic 15 km away from my place where electricity and water issues are common wasn’t an easy task. But what made the whole ride smooth was my determination and constant parental support. I always got back home to my family who would cheer me up.

Around a year back I got married to the love of my life, a mariner. Everything seemed to be perfect. We had a fairytale wedding, moved to our new place and were busy building our home together. But soon he had to leave for his sail. While I knew all along that being a sailor’s girl isn’t going to be easy and our days together are numbered, I had completely blocked the thought of staying alone once he left for his sail. So much so that only when I got back to an empty house after seeing him off that the reality hit me. I realized that henceforth it is going to be a solo journey for six months in a year.

Waking up next morning in an empty house was a soul crushing experience. I did not want to spend a minute more in that house. With teary eyed, I left for my clinic and stayed back there itself.

Initial few days were difficult, I would just want to curl up in my bed and cry. While there are some things that one loves and feels to do alone, there are many other things that one would never want to do alone. This was one of them.

The same house which I proudly called our home couple of days back was a mess with my clothes lying around and unwashed utensils. I had imagined building our house together and there I was doing it alone with a constant fear of messing things up. With no friends in the new place and having to do everything on my own, the entire ordeal was affecting me both physically and mentally. I couldn’t even do the simplest thing i.e. eating alone. Over a span of one month, I lost 7 kgs.

Then one fine day, I just didn’t want to be sad anymore. It was almost like the universe had knocked some sense into me. I had chosen this life and going a self destructive mission was definitely not the solution. I joined a gym, made few friends and kept myself busy with my clinic and household chores. I started embracing my new life and I realized acceptance is the key to happiness.

Living alone has taught me a lot of things. Today I can change a fan’s capacitor, unclog a pipe, change fuse and do all the small things which I never bothered to learn when I used to live with my folks. Today, I watch a movie alone, shop alone and even eat alone. I even got my first tattoo.

No doubt, I miss him every single day but these four walls don’t deter my spirits anymore. I guess, living alone has not only made me love him more but also made me love and discover myself

These months of solitude have made me realize that I too can exist independently. And that I am not just someone’s wife, I am someone too.

 

Story by Ruchika Sajwan

Rewritten by Shalini Gupta